psFifteen - Blog
PS F:\> *Latest* 19 July 2002 23:08:45 Things not to do: Google anything medical
It convinces you that you're on death's door or approaching inevitability faster than you originally thought. I know I'm not the first to think along these lines, but seriously, don't do it. You're going to turn "dark cyan" next week and all of your fingers will fall off the following Tuesday lunchtime because you asked Alexa "why is my chin itchy after I shave?"
If you do decide to look up stuff you're experiencing, be ready to be worried and/or pissed off with the results. For example, if you look up the side effects of antidepressants, at least in my case, you get things like: anxiety, fatigue, nausea, headaches, agitation, pain, a bunch of other stuff I can't spell (or even pronounce) and finally "increased risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviours".
Oh great. So it's taken me years to get help and now I have pain and headaches randomly for existing (and the fact that I'm old). I'm on edge, agitated and anxious more and more these days it seems. As an aside, I totally understand the whole anxiety thing now, as I used to put it down to "weakness" but it's truly fucking horrible! Oh, what's that? Just pop into that shop and ask for something? I think I'd prefer to jump up and down on this upturned plug, ta.
The anxiety thing is only amplified by the fact I didn't understand the rest of the words in "symptoms and side effects" anyway. Well, without spending my day off researching deeper and deeper into it and falling asleep because I'm exhausted by the very medication I've been prescribed.
What else was it? Oh yeah, nausea and diarrhoea. Nothing makes you feel less depressed than being ill and leaking out your tailpipe. Cheers then. Good one.
Increased suicide risk... I had that one covered anyway. I thought these were meant to help? Or is that the plan? Up the brain throughput to such levels that it encourages you to get on with it and reduce an excessive population. Gotcha.
Something I have discovered though, since being more open about being on them, is how many people are! We're a bunch of miserable bastards. Although I have a limited cross-section of people to gather this evidence from. Maybe it's just the norm for being British? We are historically grumpy (and somewhat horrible bastards), so maybe it's just as it should be and it's the softer generation I find myself in (whichever one that is) being more "open" and "understanding" to what is going on inside my head. When deep down I can still sense my inner-me-from-the-past saying "get on with it, FFS" and "man up".
If you'd told me 10 years ago that I'd have been on meds to stop me from driving off a bridge for being even mildly inconvenienced, I would have laughed and said to "get a grip". Now I find myself about to flip desks or "detonate" if someone reluctantly says that they're out of a particular snack I want to eat. I swear it actually makes my blood boil. It's not even their fault! Well, it is, as they should have planned in advance the required stock to meet demand, but that isn't the point.
I don't know what the point is. Not in an "I'm off for a drive, be back some time" kinda way (mostly because I currently don't own a car), but in the "why am I ranting on here?" kinda way.
That is pretty much all I've always done. Expressed what's in my head in times of need, by chucking snippets of junk online, in the form of "posts", "tweets" and "blogs" (which now sounds really old). Since 2003 when I first started making crap internet content, I've always moaned about the stuff going on in or around my world, posted pictures of shit nobody else actually cared about and other miscellaneous nonsense. This is my way of getting it out of my head. It's pretty all over the place in there.
Hopefully, it'll make at least one person laugh or appreciate that they too are not entirely on their own in this whirlwind of garbage. There are a few of us out here that are sailing through it all too, somehow. The boat is somehow staying afloat and that is about all that matters for now. We don't know what we're doing either, and that's quite all right. Just remember not to read too deeply into it, or you'll be convinced that you have about 3 seconds to live and your teeth are about to fall out of your bellend.
Blog | © psFifteen.com
psFifteen - To-Do
PS F:\> [.] "Boot" Simulation
PS F:\> [ ] Mobile Format
PS F:\> [ ] Sound
PS F:\> [x] Taskbar Restructure
PS F:\> [x] Better CSS Variables
PS F:\> [x] Separate JS
PS F:\> [x] Start Blog... Again
PS F:\> More soon...|
To-Do | © psFifteen.com
psFifteen - Updates
PS F:\> *Latest* 17 July 2002 23:10:10 Fixed some issues with shadows, new variables for all window sizes, adjusted JS for dynamic reset after window max, JS in own doc, CSS colours in own doc, reversed post order (latest first), removed resizable windows due to shadow problem, fixed opacity problem and better layout for restart decision box, boot simulation added (beta), taskbar adjustments, clock adjustments
PS F:\> 15 July 2002 01:25:16 Some minor menu tweaks, added restarting overlay with fade in and delayed/simulated restart, To-Do panel, minimum window width adjustments
PS F:\> 06 July 2002 00:09:22 Menu adjustments, horizontal menu spacer, additional buttons and working functions for "Restart" and "Shutdown" modals, both require design and functionality
PS F:\> 05 July 2002 01:20:20 Default zIndex set, switching windows to foreground using events triggers (min, max, open, close etc.), mouse click/focus on window brings to foreground and resets zIndex for the rest, maximise function minor adjustments to maintain depth and shadow adjust, taskbar and menu further forward
PS F:\> 27 June 2002 22:52:16 Window framework adjustments, popup can minimise (and now has cats!), gallery has some basic content and links
PS F:\> 26 June 2002 23:49:51 Window framework re-write, now cleaner than original layout style, resizable windows, all colours now added e.g. "Green" and " Yellow", second window prep and CSS confirm
PS F:\> 23 June 2002 01:39:24 Rewritten CSS structure, less duplication, added delayed popup with reduced functionality to "entertain" the user, more colours like "Red" and "Magenta"
PS F:\> 22 June 2002 00:15:30 Added more window buttons: "_" and "□", added "open app / minimised app" buttons to the taskbar, minimise and maximise functions now work, double-clicking title bar now acts as expected, added date
PS F:\> 21 June 2002 01:06:44 Window now draggable by holding the title bar, menu item now opens and closes the window, close "x" button works, menu hides when item chosen
Updates | © psFifteen.com
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